


The Coldness In My Soul

by SocialOutsider



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Episode: s01e10 Left For Dead, Gen, POV Female Character, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25146820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialOutsider/pseuds/SocialOutsider
Summary: Kate in the aftermath of the explosion. Oneshot.
Kudos: 3





	The Coldness In My Soul

I sit there, lost in deep thought, feeling grateful for the blanket that's now covering my entire body.

On the outside, I'm fine except for a few wounds that I sustained due to the fact that I was close to Jane Doe or Suzanne McNeil when she dropped the small bomb that not only killed herself, her boss, Stephen Brauer and left the building in ruins while those who worked inside the building are either dead or being treated for their injuries.

On the inside, it's a different story as I'm full of deep loathing and regret over what has happened.

I mean, why didn't I see it sooner?

Why didn't I realize that McNeil was a woman who had the blood of other people on her hands?

If only I'd be able to look beyond the lost woman suffering from amnesia who I honestly thought was the victim, maybe, just maybe I would have been able to stop her and ultimately arrest her before something as disastrous as this happened. 

From the very start, Gibbs and Tony probably had a hunch that she wasn't innocent as she appeared to be.

They would have done a much better job at investigating her than I did.

Instead, I let my emotions, particularly my empathy get to me and cloud my judgement.

I mean, I even took her to my home and fed her while giving her a place to sleep.

At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing and also out of my own kindness.

Now, though.

Now the only thing I can feel for Doe/McNeil is _anger._

Bitter, vicious anger that is consuming me.

Anger at the fact that she manipulated me.

That she played on my empathy and used it to her advantage while keeping her true nature a closely guarded secret while having the nerve to apologize to me just seconds before her death.

In some bitter way, I'm glad that she's dead.

I really am.

Because now that I think about it, she was a cold-hearted bitch who probably didn't give a damn about anyone else except for herself.

Tomorrow, I'll move on and use this lesson to become a far stronger person, mentally, emotionally and psychologically.

I'll probably spend all of next week or the weekend if I'm not working erasing any and all traces of Doe/McNeil from my apartment.

Tonight?

Tonight I just want to be left alone so that I can come to terms with today's events.

And let myself slowly accept the fact that I was led astray by a woman who I thought was innocent and broken but who was in fact a murderer.

**Fin**


End file.
